I don’t like to blog about my personal life. I like to keep it light and fun with
entries about what’s cooking in my kitchen or what new and delicious restaurant
we’ve tried recently or how to save big at the grocery store. But this entry will be completely
different from anything I’ve done before.
Recently I’ve had an experience that I’d like to share with
everyone, an experience I’ve never had before. In 2009 (which was a very difficult and emotional year for
me and my family) we adopted a little, black mixed breed dog from the SPCA. We decided to name her
Skylar. She was a quirky, funny,
scruffy and charming little dog that we all fell in love with. As a puppy Skylar was well behaved, she
never chewed anything up and she got along well with our other 2 dogs. She had some unusual habits. One, she
like to nudge your leg from behind, almost like a little nip. This made me think that she might have
had some herding dog in her. When
we were sitting at the dining room table she would poke our legs with her nose
to get our attention, for scraps, no doubt. And her other little quirk? She could talk. Yeah, I know, right, a talking dog! But
she could. Okay, she wasn’t Scooby
Doo but she could communicate with us whenever she wanted something. We always knew that she either wanted
water, food or to go outside. I
still believe that sometimes in answer to our question she would say “uh huh”.
Even though she might have had some herding instincts she
was a gentle dog who loved to be
outside, lay in the grass or in the snow. She was independent and wasn’t much for
cuddling, but every once in awhile she would snuggle up next to us on the couch
and lay her head in our hand and make our hearts melt. She was happy, and she was healthy up
until about a month ago.
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We noticed that her breathing wasn’t quite right. She seemed to be struggling just a
little bit, almost like panting.
It got increasingly worse over the next couple of days. We made a vet appointment. Dr Brockett at Saratoga Veterinary
Hospital gave her a thorough examination.
We told him about a few things that we had noticed that didn’t seem
right to us. She had bumps on her
head, she had something on her gums, a cobblestone pattern and of course
trouble breathing. We told him
that she came from a kill shelter in Tennessee. So he thought that maybe she had some form of disease that
was indigenous to that region, since he had never seen anything like this
before. He decided to treat it
with an antifungal, an antibiotic and a steroid. At first she seemed to respond and her breathing improved,
but once the steroid dose was decreased she had trouble breathing again. Dr Brockett decided to take blood and
send it to Cornell University.
Unfortunately the blood showed nothing unusual. So once again he was
stumped. We continued the
treatment and even after consulting with several other vets and the doctors at
Cornell, there was no answer.
I watched as Skylar got sicker and sicker. Her eyes were red all the time and
looked like they were bulging. Her
tongue was now swollen and covered in ulcerations, and her gums were so covered
in the cobblestone pattern that it made it almost impossible for her to eat
anything that wasn’t soft. As a
last resort we decided to take biopsies of the affected area since the steroids
were no longer helping her breathing.
The result: a rare form of lymphoma with no cure or treatment. We were devastated.
Our once vibrant and playful 2 year old was now ravaged with
cancer and there was nothing anyone could do. The last word from the vet: “tell us when you want to put
her down.”
Needless to say the next
few days were emotional. Having to
make that kind of decision, not being able to ask her how she felt, when she
was ready to go, made it even harder.
I could see the change in her over the next few days after getting the
diagnosis. This cancer is fast
moving and ravaged her body in a matter of days to the point where she could no
longer eat or drink.
She didn’t look like a 2 yr old dog, but one that was much, much
older. The night before I made the
final decision we were both awake (Skylar and me) most of the night. She outside and me in my bathroom,
crying, trying to come to the full realization that it was indeed time.
I spent the next day with her. Watching her, stroking her, remembering her when she was
healthy and full of personality, telling her over and over again that I was
sorry. Seeing her be able to do
almost nothing but lay still, occasionally getting up to go outside but not
being able to eat or drink. I
spent most of that day second guessing myself but knowing in my heart that it
was the right thing to do, to have her go peacefully and not suffer anymore
being eaten alive by the cancer. I
realized that wanting to hold onto her, having hope that maybe it wasn’t as bad
as it was, was just being selfish on my part. Many hours and many tears later I realized…. and stopped
second guessing myself and said, yes its time.
My husband Mark took her. I just couldn’t face it. He assured me that she went peacefully. They put out a blanket for her on the
floor and she laid right down and never moved. Dr. Brockett could see the change in her too – the amount of
weight that she had lost, the condition of her mouth and her tongue. He assured Mark that this was the right
thing to do, that she was in fact suffering. It was all over after she received
a simple injection, she went to sleep. Afterward, Mark called and wanted to
know what to do with her remains, store them until Spring or have her cremated
so we could spread her ashes over the places she loved the most. We decided to have her cremated. I know to some people it might sound
silly or ridiculous to save her ashes. After all she was just a dog. I was raised to believe that all life
has value, even if it’s an animal. Skylar was part of our family. She made us laugh, she made us happy,
and so we thought it only fitting to spread her ashes over the places where she
was most happy.
It’s true, Skylar was just a mutt from a kill shelter in Tennessee. True that she was scruffy and not well bred. But it’s also true that she captured our hearts with her quirky ways and her funny habits. I hope that this story doesn’t stop anyone from adopting a needy animal from a shelter. That you don’t think twice about giving your heart to a puppy that will give you all of themselves and enrich your life. In a case like that I think it’s okay for your emotions to guide you. Fall in love, I did and I don’t regret it, not one bit.
If you do have an animal that has any of the symptoms that
Skylar had: breathing trouble, knots on the head, red, puffy eyes, ulcerations
on the tongue and cobblestone gums ask for a biopsy immediately to rule out
lymphoma. This is something I wish
I would have insisted on. But
prepare yourself for the worst. These symptoms seem to all point to this rare
form of cancer.
I’ve lost other dogs in my life mostly to old age so to have
such a young dog with such a serious, incurable illness just didn’t seem fair.
Sometimes life just isn’t fair and can offer opportunities to learn.
This piece isn’t meant to compare the loss of a family pet
to that of a human family member.
I’ve never experienced anyone, human or animal dying of cancer right
before my eyes and I hope I never have to experience it again. I might still go to a pet adoption but
I’m not likely to adopt one, at least not right away. You can’t replace one pet with another, you just won’t
find one that will be the
same. Each dog has it’s own unique
personality and needs. I know I
won’t be able to replace Skylar and I wouldn’t even try. Right now I’ll remember her the way she
was before she got sick, when she was happy and healthy.
Cherish your pets….
I’d like to thank Dr. Chris Brockett and his team at
Saratoga Veterinary Hospital. Even
though Skylar wasn’t able to be saved, they were kind and compassionate when we
most needed them to be. We will
continue to bring our other dogs there for care. They really are the best.
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